My Dearest Sweet Theodore,
I’ve spent a lot of time over the last month thinking about what I would say on your first birthday. You will have many birthdays to celebrate in the future, but the first one is so special. I don’t have the appropriate words to describe just how much I love you and how much you mean to me. It’s impossible because anytime I try, the words aren’t strong or deep enough. So let me try to describe something else, a couple of nights ago after I had put you to sleep and was laying next to you, I turned over to look at you. This is something I do often when you are asleep. It was dark so I couldn’t see much of you, just the outline of your face and the tip of your perfect little nose. You were breathing heavily because your nose was stuffy from a cold you’ve been going through this week. But you were sleeping peacefully. On this night, you only woke up once which I was there to comfort you back to sleep quickly.
As I watched you sleep, listening to the sound of your heavy breathing, I noticed your hands. All of a sudden your hands were frantically searching for something or someone. You were still asleep with your eyes closed, but your breath quickened and your hands were searching…until you found my hand. You grabbed my hand and placed it over your heart. I could feel instantly that your quickened heartbeat was starting to slow and eventually went back to its calm rhyme. This is something you’ve done many many times in the last 12 months, but this time, it hit me. I couldn’t hold back my tears and I’m thankful my sobs didn’t wake you. I have never been extraordinary at anything, in fact, I’m quite average. I was never the smartest, prettiest, funniest or most athletic. I tried my best at everything, but I was just a normal person…before you came along. I started sobbing because for once I felt that I was the best at one thing, being your mommy. I will not always do the right thing, I promise you I will make mistakes, but I will ALWAYS be that hand that comforts you, calms you and protects you.
There are so many moments similar to this one where I’m am just in awe, in awe of how perfect and wonderful you are and how my heart explodes at the sight of you. Your smile and laughter brightens up my day, your playfulness makes me look at you with wonder and your gentle heart makes me want to hold onto you tight. You are the most precious thing in my world and I am the luckiest mommy to have you as my son. Out of all the other mommies in the world you picked me which is the highest honor I will ever have in my life. So on your first birthday I want to not only wish you the very best and happiest birthday, but to make you a promise. I promise to cherish you, protect you, play with you, teach you and pick you up when you are feeling down. I promise to be your best friend, your confidant and closest ally. I promise to take you on adventures and show you the world in all its beauty. But most of all, I promise to love you forever just the way you are, because to me… you are perfection.
Happy first birthday my sweet sweet Theodore.
Mommy loves you.